Ok so it's not Friday but we were all away last Friday and I'm away next Friday so here goes.
A
young Native American woman went to a doctor for the first physical exam
of her life.
After checking all her vitals and running the usual tests, the doctor said,
"
Well, Running Doe, you're in fine health.
I could find no problems with your health, but did notice one abnormality."
"Oh, what is that, Doctor?"
"
Well, you have no nip'ples."
"None of the people in my tribe have nipp,les," she replied.
"That's amazing!" said the doctor.
"I'd like to write this up for The American Journal of Medicine, if you
don't mind"
She said, "I guess, if you'd like to do that, it's fine with me."
"First of all" asked the doctor, "how many people are in your tribe?"
She answered, "Approximately 500."
"And what is the name of your tribe?" asked the doctor.
Running Doe smiled and replied, "We're called...The Indiannippleless Five
Hundred."
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A little boy in church for the first time watched as the ushers passed
around the offering plates.
When they came near his pew, the boy said loudly, "don't pay for me daddy.
I'm under five"
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"Oh, I sure am happy to see you," the little boy said to his grandmother on
his mother's side. "Now maybe daddy will do the trick he has been promising
us."
The grandmother was curious. "What trick is that?" she asked.
"I heard him tell mommy that he would climb the walls if you came to visit"
the little boy answered.
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A husband in his back yard is trying to fly a kite.
He throws the kite up in the air, the wind catches it for a few seconds,
then it comes crashing back down to earth.
He tries this a few more times with no success.
All the while, his wife is watching from the kitchen window, muttering to
herself how men need to be told how to do everything. She opens the window
and yells to her husband, "You need a piece of tail."
The man turns with a confused look on his face and says, "Make up your mind.
Last night, you told me to go fly a kite.
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WORDS THAT REALLY SHOULD EXIST (part 2)
Iceburg: an uppity, snobbish neighborhood.
Jobsolete: a position within a company that no longer exists.
Knewlyweds: second marriage for both.
Lamplify: turning on (or up) the lights within a room.
Mandals: sandals for men.
Nagivator: someone who constantly assists with driving directions in an
overly-critical manner.
Obliment: an obligatory compliment.
Pestariffic: adjective describing a particularly pesty person.
Qcumbersome: a salad that contains too many cucumbers.