Wednesday, Mar 06, 2019 at 16:22
One of the greatest strengths of our
Forum community is also becoming its greatest weakness - the experienced and educated who have so much to share.
Some people here feel they cannot leave any post unanswered if it contains "errors" of fact or logic. In their defence, they genuinely feel they are doing the right thing by giving the correct information or challenging a viewpoint with their own more educated/experienced viewpoint. I know that some also believe it is a safety risk to have posts left unchallenged for a perceived risk of some unsuspecting "newbie" coming to harm as a result of finding "incorrect" advice or information on a
forum. Some also believe that an online source with a reputation such as ours also has some sort of legal obligation to ensure every post is factual - sorry folks but that is simply not true. Please read on...
The problem is that often-times any attempt to correct or debate can quickly spiral downhill and actually become counterproductive to the helpfulness of the response. If the explanation is delivered in such a way that the person feels shamed then the person is completely alienated and they have only 2 options - to fight back, or to retreat. Neither is a positive outcome.
The onus then falls back onto those that respond to posts. You must take responsibility for the delivery of your response.
Here are some guidelines:
1. Ask yourself why is it so important to be right – why can’t you let the person with the “foolish” idea have his say without being “corrected” by you. MYTH - it is a safety issue. FACT - it doesn't matter, you are not liable, ExplorOz is not liable.
2. Pointing out grammar/spelling errors is old-fashioned classism and elitism. When you comment on someone's errors you are shutting them down and excluding them from the conversation because of their lack of exposure to, or understanding of, the rules of grammar. You are implying that they are uneducated, which implies their point of view is meaningless. This is passive aggressive behaviour and whilst you might not agree, the evidence stands that it does great harm to the reputation of the ExplorOz community - so the message is clear - grammatical elitism helps no one.
3. Be helpful or say nothing. Silence speaks a thousand words.
4. Healthy debate is good. You can debate an idea without attacking the person. There is no need to illustrate the strength of your argument by belittling others. Always remember point 1. If your POV is not convincing enough, leave it be rather than come back to attack from another angle. Even if "you know" they are wrong.
5. If you want to challenge a statement, start with something positive - cushion the blow, try "I know you've put a ton of time and effort into this plan and it looks great but have you considered....", Use Questions to steer someone's thinking. Phrasing things as questions invites thoughtful
conversation rather than being overbearing and autocratic
6. Avoid sounding authoritative - being overly authoritative, confrontational and close-minded when making a correction will only make you look pretentious and condescending.
7. Offer help, rather than state your qualifications and experience just to illustrate your superiority. Ask for more information to help get the full picture and explain that knowing more will help give a more useful response and avoid misunderstandings/poor responses
8. Be a part of the solution - if you genuinely like to be a part of the ExplorOz
Forum Community - then look at these guidelines and reconsider how you are contributing. Remember it is a MYTH that we have any obligation for factual correctness in
Forum posts so don't use that as an excuse for continued and unnecessary nit picking PLEASE.
Finally, can I just say to anyone that thinks they recognise themselves in this discussion that I'm not looking to name/shame anyone in particular. It can be a very
grey area for moderation and that is how/why these discussions cannot be steered successfully without causing unnecessary blow ups. We understand that often a person's ill-received response can happen quite unintentionally and with all good intentions. But I hope you will agree, its time to bring it to the fore so that we can openly discuss how to address it.
I honestly hope no one will take personal offence to calling out these issues as I have, as everyone is still very much wanted and needed in our
Forum community. All I ask is that you take on board what's been said.
AnswerID:
624254
Follow Up By: Member - David M (SA) - Wednesday, Mar 06, 2019 at 21:20
Wednesday, Mar 06, 2019 at 21:20
What you don't seem to realise Michelle is that people who think they know everything are very annoying to those that do.
Dave.
FollowupID:
897715
Follow Up By: Member - Broodie H3 - Thursday, Mar 07, 2019 at 06:42
Thursday, Mar 07, 2019 at 06:42
thank you Michelle, I am now 70 years old at 18 I thought I knew everything, so I left
home, at 25 I got married had a couple of children, that is when I realized I didn't know anything, and 45 years later I have some experience, but I do know Ill never know everything, and on this
forum there is a wealth of experience that I don't have and a lot more knowledge.
thank you very much for you input into this conversation, it has been needed for some time
FollowupID:
897728
Follow Up By: duck - Thursday, Mar 07, 2019 at 08:31
Thursday, Mar 07, 2019 at 08:31
Sorry Michelle I did not mean to stir anything up that would cause you the need to reply & it’s my mistake by putting the word “Why” in it, most of us know why & I should have just put Hi
Forum contributors let’s just drop the Malice & keep this the great
forum site it is
FollowupID:
897731
Follow Up By: ExplorOz Team - Michelle - Thursday, Mar 07, 2019 at 14:37
Thursday, Mar 07, 2019 at 14:37
No Duck, its fine :)
Was time to have this discussion. I was alerted to the issue over a year ago and have been watching the
Forum intently and talking to the Modsquad about it ever since and trying to figure out what can be done. I have also put a lot of time lately into researching the behaviours of narcissistic people as sadly I've had to deal with quite a few and I can see we have them here in our
Forum. It is just much harder to deal with them in a
Forum when they are part of a community you manage, rather than a social interaction where you can just walk away or minimise your time with them.
FollowupID:
897743
Follow Up By: Alloy c/t - Friday, Mar 08, 2019 at 11:20
Friday, Mar 08, 2019 at 11:20
The very true definition of an 'expert' is a drip under pressure .. We have many many on this
forum who 'deem' themselves 'experts' and will not accept any form of criticism on their 'expertise' be it a very simple question on how many pairs of 'jocks' required for a
Simpson Desert crossing to you MUST have this / that or you will DIE ....when in reality ??
FollowupID:
897780