Leaking Gas at night

Try Whitworths, they have a good range of smooth and threaded bungs!

I'll have to assume that they are from yourself as women claim that they never f**t, in which case, what's your problem as it's healthy.

Alternatively there are specialty shops (that I've never visited) that sell butt plugs.

That's what windows are for.


And it's generally accepted, contrary to what is folklore, garlic and beans do not contribute.
More than likely the beer.

Not sure about the garlic, but I would put some effort into finding out which bean in the meal is the culprit responsible for the undue fermentation and avoid eating that one in future.

Alternatively, the fitting/insertion of a length of convoluted hose to the offending aperture/opening and the other hose end terminating into the outdoors may also be a solution. Sort of a winding WIN WINd.

Or instead of a little fan, have a decent radiator cooling fan operated via a methane detector which will then positively SHIfT the problem elsewhere.

If any/all of the perfectly sensible suggestions above fail to filter your flatulence you could try charcoal tablets. Speaking from experience they do work ... as long as you can hold onto them long enough to dissolve in your obviously rancid gut.

The last thing you need is a black pellet ricocheting around inside the camper.

I'd burn a scented candle in the van. It won't stop the emissions, however the risk of a massive explosion will make you hold it in until you are able to get outside and let loose.
OBJ

"better to f*art and bear a little, than blow your *rse and be a cripple".

Hahaha...its not Friday funnies time yet!

Haven't laughed so much for ages...thanks to everyone who provided those most creative suggestions to Mick T3!

Heather

Better an empty house than an angry tenant I say....

Try Charcoal Tablets

Maybe some probiotic bugs in capsules from the chemist. Worked for me. Either that or they buggered my sense of smell.
Keith

'the penetrating odour of gaseous emissions'

It may not be that bad!

Throw the covers over the missus's head and let her check it out.

Might only be your imagination?

Paul

Hi Mick,

Sorry that I can't give you any practical advice (I suffer from the same condition, and I do consider myself a fire hazard). Many a time I have thought about installing some sort of range hood in areas of the house where I spent the most time. Sometimes the smell is strong enough to peel the paint off of the ceiling. After all, they do install range hoods in kitchens to extract vapours and smells of all kinds. I have been tempted to bottle my own emissions and put them into use (would probably be more volatile than LPG). Hmmm, just have to invent some kind of gas bottle seat and special valve.

But look, all this gas doesn't have to go to waste...Fart Car

I find capsicum, cabbage, milk (especially), cauliflower, onions (probably the worst offender) and garlic each have their own effect. Probably forgot to mention many others. I've never dared to combine the whole lot for fear of the consequences. I'd imagine the explosion would be similar to this...Oh Dear

Now that's what happens when you hold it in for too long.

Cheers.